I just want to feel better. Not a few days or a week of feeling somewhat better but better all the time. I want this pain in me to go away. I'm tired of blackness and sadness. I'm tired of missing him and wondering what I did wrong. I hate that underneath hating him for what he did to me, I still love him.
Anger, hate and bitter sadness flows through me and is practically drowning me. I want to be happy again. I want my smile and laughter back. I'm tired of faking it. I didn't ask for anything but this is what I got left with. The more I pretend I'm OK, the less I am.
I put everything I had and then some into our relationship. I bend over backwards to be his "perfect" girlfriend while he lied, deceived and cheated. He cheated, got her pregnant and is getting married. What did I get..... pain, heartache and left with nothing.
There are no quick fixes. I'd do anything to make this stop hurting. I pray to feel better, to forget about him and to stop loving him. It doesn't work. I just want me back.